Robin Tamura

On this episode of Rising from the Shadows, I sat down with Robin Tamura — a courage and self-leadership coach, yoga teacher, and Shakuhachi player based in Berlin. After a health crisis in his mid-20s, Robin shifted from video game animation to guiding others through internal family systems (IFS), parts work, and the path back to self-trust.

Podcast: Rising From the Shadows

My guest today is Robin Tamura. He's a courage and self-leadership coach, yoga teacher—and you're going to have to tell me more about this—Shakuhachi player in Berlin. After falling ill with hyperthyroidism in his mid-twenties, he shifted from a career in video game animation to helping others cultivate courage, self-trust, and inner leadership through parts work, IFS—love that—and coaching techniques. He guides people in transforming fear and self-doubt into deeper connection with their true self. Welcome to the show, Robin.

Robin Tamura: Thank you, Marlon. Thank you for having me.

Marlon :Absolutely. My pleasure. So, the majority of our guests tend to have stories dealing with healing from narcissistic abuse. That is not your story today, but I thought it was important to talk to you because in some of my previous episodes, I talk about how someone who falls prey to narcissists—it’s really a sense of self issue. It’s you lacking your sense of self. And that’s something that begins usually in your family of origin—your early friendships, early relationships—that starts to strip you of your sense of self.

So, while we’re not talking about healing from narcissistic abuse today, I think it’s so important that we have this conversation about regaining that sense of self, because of course, that’s your guiding compass.

The floor is yours. Share your story in any fashion you’d like to.

Robin: Sure, thank you. Well, I think I do have some history of abuse, actually. There was a lot of emotional abuse going on in my family. Me being a very sensitive, creative, introverted kid, it just led me to retreat into myself, to be in my own world. I didn’t really want to have anything to do with the world out there. My own family seemed such a dangerous environment already—how bad would the world out there be?

Also probably why I ended up being in video games. Video games were safe. They were fun and interesting. I liked the idea of just being creative and creating art for video games, so I started doing that after school.

Even though it kind of was my passion at the time, there was still an underlying sense of: I’m worthless. I have to become something. There’s something wrong with me. Or even, I don’t deserve to exist.

Marlon: Pause right there. What you said is so—I mean, I can totally relate. That phrase, like it’s a crime for you to exist and you have to pay something into the world to do so. What do you attribute having that kind of internal dialogue to? Was that word said to you specifically? Was there something that made you feel like, "Oh wow, yes, I am ugly"?

Robin: Not necessarily directly, like, “You are worthless.” It was more a sense of being a burden—to my parents, specifically to my father. Also just realizing that there was so much unhappiness in the family, and as a kid, you always think everything is your fault.

People are blowing up, there’s verbal abuse going on, and you just gather the pieces and realize, "If I was truly welcome in this world, it wouldn’t be like this."

It’s more the energy you pick up. The sense that me being here seems to be a bit of a problem rather than something beautiful, something to celebrate.

Marlon: If you’re comfortable, can you share some of that family dynamic? You said there was a lot of unhappiness growing up. What in your mind were the stressors or triggers that brought all this to the surface?

Robin: It’s hard to put it down. And to some extent, this is my parents’ business. But I think it’s a combination of cultural differences—my father is from Japan, and there are some similarities between German and Japanese culture, but also big differences.

In Japanese culture, you’re expected to do a lot for others, to anticipate their needs. Whereas German culture is more about just coming out with whatever you want. That doesn’t always go well together. Add to that generational trauma—going all the way back to the war—being raised by a very unloving mother, and it all adds up.

I think my father made a lot of fear-based decisions. He thought he was doing it for the good of the family, but it made him unhappy, which turned into a lot of anger. He also had a tendency to think he was always right. That kind of person doesn’t look underneath the surface. It just leads to rage.

Marlon: Now, in your case, was it only emotional or was there physical abuse as well?

Robin: No physical abuse.

Marlon:That’s important. Because when abuse is physical, anyone can see bruises and say something’s wrong. But emotional abuse is more damaging in my opinion, because it’s invisible and so many people make excuses for the abuser.

“Oh, they’re old school.” “Everybody loses their cool sometimes.” But like, for my father, he knew how to act in public. He wasn’t beating us up at church. He knew the difference between what was appropriate in public versus private. That tells me he knew it was wrong.

And I just think it’s so important we talk about the emotional implications. Because man, it leaves the scar from the abuser, the scar from the people who excused it, and the scar of you invalidating yourself. Because everyone else says it’s not so bad, so you start to think maybe you’re crazy. Maybe you’re too sensitive. And that, for me, is what split me from my sense of self.

Robin: Definitely. And you don’t know any different, right? As a kid, you assume this is just how it is. But now, with the life I’ve built, the friends and connections I have, I’m realizing—life is supposed to be different. Not everybody grows up this way.

Marlon: Yeah, there was a time I wasn’t the most jovial dinner guest. I had stories people were shocked by, because no one around me grew up like that. My parents are Haitian immigrants, so I very much grew up not in America, in America. There was a very paternalistic, domineering culture in the home.

I have a theory: everyone has a moment in life where, no matter how long they’ve been beaten down, a little voice speaks up and says, “Something’s wrong. I don’t deserve this.” Then it’s up to us to figure out how to break the cycle.

Was there a moment like that for you?

Robin: Yes, very distinctly. It was around my mid-twenties. I had just finished my bachelor’s thesis in animation—doing what I thought I wanted—but I didn’t enjoy it. I worked under so much pressure, my self-worth depending on being good at it. And by the end of it, I developed hyperthyroidism.

I was physically sick, but also mentally in a dark place. I was angry at everyone. I remember thinking, "If I don’t change something, this is going to kill me."

I realized I needed help. Luckily, I had people around me who could help. I got into spirituality and martial arts to escape fear, but I didn’t get real answers until I read this book—Beyond Willpower. One line stuck with me: "Every psychological problem comes from fear, and fear comes from a lack of love."

That was the answer—love is the opposite of fear. So that’s what I had to cultivate.

Marlon: Talk more about that, because I’m hearing you and it makes sense intuitively. You put more love in your life—healthy love—and parts of you start to fill up. That totally makes sense.

My path trying to find answers was so different. My focus was on power dynamics. Like, how can someone who doesn't have power empower themselves? That was my way of thinking—very analytical. Which continued to separate me from my inner self. Because I saw it as a math problem to solve, instead of realizing, "Marlon, you weren’t loved." You don’t know what love feels like. So you think attention is love. Praise is love. Breadcrumbs are love.

I never filled up my tank in love.

Were you able to take that path—to fill up that tank?

Robin: Yeah. Now, the question is how spiritual do you want to get?

Marlon: Listen, I’m sure. I have my own belief system, but I think it’s important to have people of all walks of life represented. Some people connect through tarot, some through Christianity or Buddhism. I think whatever helps someone connect to themselves and something higher—we should talk about it.

Robin: For me, it comes down to this non-duality perspective—the idea that in truth, there is no separation. There’s only oneness. And what we call love is actually our experience of that oneness.

Whenever you feel connected to something—lit up by something—that’s you experiencing your true self. That’s your essence. Love isn’t just romantic or parental. It’s in friendships, in your work, in nature. It’s whenever you feel truly alive.

Marlon: That’s so impactful. That the things we experience that light us up—those are actually us. It’s not an external thing we’re chasing. It’s a reflection.

You’ve got to say that again. Because for a lot of people, especially abuse survivors like me, we projected our good qualities onto others. We’d think: “This person is generous,” when actually, I’m generous. “This person is passionate,” when really, I’m passionate. And I just assumed others were like me.

But those qualities weren’t in the other person—they were in me. Please say that again: how the things that light us up are our essence.

Robin: If we assume separation isn’t real, then whenever we fall in love—or feel moved by something—we think that feeling comes from them or from out there. But really, that person or thing is just a mirror, reflecting back our own truth.

So when it ends, and we think “Where did the love go?”—it didn’t go anywhere. It’s still there. It was always yours. The illusion was that it came from outside.

When you know that love is your essence, it heals you. It makes you come alive. It leads to your purpose. All of it starts with knowing who you are on the deepest level.

Marlon: That’s amazing. My spiritual practice, interestingly, became journaling. I left the fundamentalist evangelical Christianity I grew up with, and I just started journaling. I have journals from 2006.

I remember when I was reconnecting with myself, I started listing things I liked. One list had “blueberry pancakes” on it. I love blueberry pancakes. Another list became a self-inventory on my phone—things I love about myself: dancing, exploring, art, music, cigars, whiskey. All these things where I feel most me.

So journaling helped me verbalize and articulate my essence—just like your non-duality practice did for you. And both paths led to the same truth.

Robin: Yes, I think there are many paths to the truth. As many as there are people. They’re all valid. Religions, spiritual systems—from Buddhism to Christianity—they all wrap the same essence in different language and culture.

At the core, they point to the same thing.

Marlon: Yeah: Who am I? What is my place in the world? Where am I going?

Robin: And the answer to all of that is the same: You are love. You come from love. And you’re going to love. That’s it.

Marlon: Wow. That’s it. There’s nowhere else to go. Just a shift in perception. Take off the pain-glasses, the fear-glasses, and suddenly you see possibility. You see opportunity. It’s all here.

Let’s talk about intuition. Because reclaiming my power meant learning to trust mine. And that had nothing to do with my intuition being “right.” It was about honoring my internal compass.

Perfectionism shows up for a lot of us as needing to be right—needing proof that our intuition is correct before we act. I had to come to terms with: I’m going to listen to myself, even if I’m not always right. Because I’m the one evolving.

And only I can care for me.

IFS helped me get there. Can you talk to us about what IFS is?

Robin: Sure. IFS stands for Internal Family Systems. It’s a form of parts work therapy.

The idea is that we don’t have one “self”—we have many parts, or subpersonalities. You’ve heard people say “my inner critic” or “my inner child”—that’s IFS language.

In different situations, different parts come forward. Sometimes we’re in conflict with ourselves—one part wants something, another is afraid of it. In IFS, we build a relationship with those parts.

So if your inner critic is loud, you might invite it to sit with you and ask, “Why are you being so harsh? What are you afraid might happen if you stop?” We engage that part with compassion.

Marlon: This is heavy stuff. When my therapist asks, “What does little Marlon want to tell you right now?” I have to cancel the rest of my day.

Because these parts come up and tell you exactly what they need. It’s not always pretty. But I’ve done a lot of therapy over the years—and I’ve never made as much progress as I did with IFS.

Robin: Same here. IFS has been incredibly powerful for me, too.

Marlon: Why do you think that is? Are you analytical by nature?

Robin: I am. I have a very strong analytical part. But I’ve also learned how to ask that part to step back when needed.

I think what makes IFS powerful is the attitude: every part has good intentions—even the harshest, most destructive ones. They’re just scared. They’re like children who had to survive overwhelming circumstances and adopted extreme strategies to do so.

Marlon: Exactly. Those strategies were age appropriate when we were kids. But we carry them into adulthood without updating them.

Robin: Yes. And in IFS, we don’t try to fix or argue with parts. We hold space. We witness. We appreciate their effort. And in doing that, things begin to transform naturally.

Marlon: I want your thoughts on this—again, I’m not a professional or anything, just a layperson—but I have a theory. I think there’s really only one thing anyone needs to work on to find true wholeness with themselves, and that’s shame. What are your thoughts?

Because to me, the opposite of love isn’t hate—it’s shame. Shame makes us change who we are to fit into someone else’s reality. It makes us abandon our authenticity. Shame makes us invalidate our own protective parts that helped us as kids. It all seems to boil down to shame.

Robin: I think there’s a lot of truth to that. The message of shame is: “There’s something wrong with me.”

Whereas the message of love is: “This is right. You being here is right.”

Shame negates that—it tells you, “You don’t belong,” “You’re not enough,” “You are wrong.” And that’s very existential. It cuts deep.

And shame can definitely be weaponized to control people—to cut them off from their self-worth, which also cuts them off from love.

Of course, there are other things—fear, guilt—but shame is one of the most painful experiences we can have. It hits so close to the core.

Marlon: Yeah, maybe it’s just my experience, but I can tell you: once I started fighting shame, I felt so empowered. Like, I wasn’t letting other people put shame on me anymore. I’d say to myself, “That’s not my shame. That’s yours.”

It’s not my shame that I asked for a divorce. It’s not my shame that I stood up for myself. It’s not my shame that I left that job, or called out mistreatment.

That was a turning point—accepting the kindest parts of myself, even when they didn’t align with someone else’s expectations. It felt wrong at first, because it upset other people. But I realized: that’s not on me.

I still wrestle with shame sometimes, but now it’s in a new form—like, I feel uncomfortable with how confident I’ve become.

I don’t think society is comfortable with confident people. Especially people who don’t shrink themselves to make others comfortable. People who say, “Yes, I love myself,” or, “Yes, I crushed that speech.”

I’ve always loved public speaking. And I remember getting compliments and brushing them off like, “Oh, thanks—I didn’t even practice.” But now, I say, “Thank you. I worked hard on that.” And that was a huge shift—letting go of the shame around being seen and celebrated.

That’s what I’m still working on: letting myself be my higher self in public.

Robin: I love that. And what an amazing transformation. What an amazing problem to have, right?

Marlon: Right! What an amazing problem to have.

Robin: And I totally relate. We’ve been conditioned to think there’s virtue in making ourselves small. But the world doesn’t need more people playing small—especially not those with depth, sensitivity, and wisdom about healing.

We need those people to be strong. To shine. To speak up. So yeah—getting past shame isn’t just for ourselves. It’s for the world we’re trying to build.

Marlon: Yes. Because when you show up whole and free, it becomes a testimony for others. It says, “Oh, I can do that too. And still have good relationships. And still thrive.”

I talk about that in one of my keynotes. I used to think the courage I have now just “happened.” But when I looked back, I realized—there were little deposits of strength along the way. Moments where I stood up for myself. They weren’t consistent, but they were there.

It’s like I was putting pennies in the bank. And now I have something to draw from.

Looking back at your journey, even in the darkest moments, can you identify any of those “deposits” into the bank of Robin?

Robin: That’s a really interesting question. And yes—I definitely think so.

We all have ways of making our truth surface. For me, it was art and writing as a kid. Later, it was martial arts—ten years of it. That taught me discipline, perseverance, and that hard work pays off.

So even though it felt like I was carrying this huge burden, I also had support systems and tools along the way that helped me find my way out. It feels like it was all kind of laid out for me, in a way.

Marlon: Wow. That’s powerful.

And hearing you say that about art made me think of something—I never considered myself an “artist,” but I was always creating.

I made my own toys. I made Roman legionnaire armor out of poster board. I made tanks, helicopters—you name it.

My church didn’t have a kids’ program, so I created a monthly magazine for the kids: word searches, stories, crosswords—everything. On Microsoft Publisher 97.

That was my creative spark—creating something out of nothing. And it’s still how I operate today. When I don’t have the answers, I make something. That’s how I move forward.

On my office wall, I have the letters “C.C.C.R.”It stands for: Create. Connect. Consume. Rest.

That’s my formula. I have to create. I need to connect with others. I need to consume good content or ideas. And I need to rest. That’s when I’m in balance.

So it’s crazy how your comment helped me realize—my creativity was my lifeline, too.

Robin: Yeah. There’s this idea that you become a true adult when you start creating from yourself. Not copying the world, but bringing something new into it—something that’s never existed before.

That kind of creative self-trust is essential. It’s not about being an “artist.” It’s about being someone who trusts their own ability to respond, to build, to shape their world.

Especially in entrepreneurship—that kind of creativity is everything.

Marlon: 100%. Let’s talk relationships. Navigating relationships post-trauma…

It’s been my experience that healing kind of forces us to reevaluate the people in our lives. What were some of the biggest shifts in your relationships as you healed? And how did you approach setting boundaries to protect your peace and the path you were on?

Robin: I think… yeah, there’s this phenomenon of outgrowing people.

As you enter a new stage of development, you need different kinds of input, different kinds of connection. Some people in your circle will grow with you. Others won’t. And the connection just naturally weakens—there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just different frequencies.

That was true for me. When I had my big shift in my mid-twenties, I had been with my ex-girlfriend for six years. And I just knew—I have to end this.

Not because she was a bad person, or did anything wrong. But because I had changed. I needed to expand. I needed to go somewhere new. And I think it’s really important to honor that.

There are some connections that are lifelong, sure. But others are companions for just a part of the path. Then the roads fork—and that’s okay.

Marlon: Man, I can attest to that. Specifically with my time in the Marine Corps. I served for eight years.

And I really don’t have close relationships with anyone I served with anymore. At one point, these guys were like brothers. I used to say, “The best people I know were Marines—and the worst people I know were Marines.”

I had some really great relationships… but it was for that time in my life.

When I got out, I started to shift. I stepped away from a very nationalistic, patriotic mindset and started seeing the world in a more nuanced way—not just “good guys” vs. “bad guys.”

And the relationships just… faded. Not because of beef or betrayal. No falling out. Just evolution.

I see them on Instagram wearing the hats, going to the Marine Corps birthday events year after year. And I love them for it—but that’s not me anymore.

And it’s tricky, right? Because sometimes these people really helped you in hard times. So leaving feels like betrayal. Like, “How could I walk away after everything they did for me?”

How do you navigate that emotional push-pull when you’re enforcing boundaries, but it feels like you’re betraying someone?

Robin: Yeah, relationships are complicated. The closer they are, the more complex it gets.

But at the end of the day, you have to be honest with yourself. You’re not helping anyone by staying in a connection that no longer fits. You’re not doing them a favor by pretending.

That feeling of guilt, or like, “I owe this person,” is just another version of making ourselves small—and making them small too.

Marlon: Oof. That’s a good point.

Robin: Because real giving—true, heart-centered giving—doesn’t expect a return. Giving and receiving are the same when it’s real.

And if someone did want something in return, they should’ve communicated that. Transparency is key. It avoids all the unspoken expectations that get in the way.

At the end of the day, the question is: What is true?

What do I want? What do you want? Are those things aligned?

You can try to avoid that truth. But if you do, it’ll eventually lead to something painful for both of you. It’s always better to face it honestly.

Marlon: Yeah. Because in the long run, you’re not gonna be happy pretending.

You might avoid a little pain now—but you’ll pay a bigger price later. And you can handle that short-term pain if you know how to take care of your emotions.

Letting people go doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Robin: Exactly. And again, that comes back to having a good connection with yourself.

You have to know: Where am I going? Who am I becoming? And then ask: Who’s coming with me?

If you get the order wrong—if you ask “Who’s coming with me?” first, and then decide your path based on that—you’re headed somewhere you were never meant to go.

Marlon: Yup. You’re gonna disconnect from yourself. And even the thought of that feels scary and wrong. You can feel it in your gut.

Man… we could talk about this stuff forever.

But I know we’re coming close to our time.

We’ve been talking about fear, self-worth, healing, and finding purpose by realizing who we are.

Last words: If someone listening is just starting their journey—starting to live authentically and become their best self—what message would you give them?

Robin: I’d say… take your time.

Have trust.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

And just know: There’s a place inside of you that is always whole. No matter what happens, that place can’t be broken.

From that place—build your courage. Build whatever you want to do in this world.

Then go out there. Be bold. Be courageous.

Take chances. Because honestly, if you look at the world right now—this is not the time to hold back.

We need people being their truest, strongest, wisest selves.

So keep going. It’s not just about you—it’s about all of us.

Marlon: I love that.

Okay—I’ve been doing this segment at the end of each episode called “This I Believe.”

I ask my guests: What’s something you know in the deepest part of your being? An unshakable truth?

And after you share it, just end with: “This I believe.”

So… what is it that you know for sure?

Robin: I am love.And there is only love.This I believe.

Marlon: That’s great. That’s great.

Thanks, Robin. This has been an incredible conversation.

You’re clearly not just talking about this—you live this work.

Where can our listeners connect with you and learn more?

Robin: You can go to my website: www.robintamura.com.Or follow me on Instagram: @robin.tamura. I haven’t set up a TikTok yet, but website and Instagram are the best places to find me.

Marlon: Awesome. We’ll link all that in the description.

Thank you again for sharing your story and wisdom. I’m walking away with a lot, and I know our listeners will too.

And to everyone listening—thank you for joining us on Rising from the Shadows.

As always, remember:Healing isn’t the absence of shadows.It’s learning to thrive in your own light.

So rise today. Rise tomorrow. Rise always.Because the shadow doesn’t stand a chance.

Until next time.

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I'm Marlon. I'm a speaker and consultant, helping recovering people pleasers and codependents return to themselves so they can live thriving lives. If you're ready to take the next step to life on your terms, schedule a Momentum Call with me today. Let's work together to turn your breakthroughs into action. https://ignitingmomentum.co